The Laws of Fanfiction
by kittycat69
Summary: One-Shot. "Doesn't this all break the laws of, you know, physics?" "This is a fanfiction. The laws of physics simply no longer apply." This is my attempt to poke fun at those ridiculous crack fics I hate so much. Hope you enjoy it!


**a/n: This story is a joke. I'm pretty much making fun of all those silly parody stories where random, pointless plot twists happen in perfectly normal stories. I have decided to make a parody of the parodies. So it's pretty much a joke. Anyway, this story is **_**insane**_**. You have all been forewarned. For anyone who is interested, the Random Plot Generator does actually exist and a link to that site can be found on my author homepage. This story is the result of a horrible case of writers block. I went to the plot generator site and wrote about whatever plots the generator gave me. It was completely random. I hope you all get a laugh out of this story! Reviews and constructive critisim are always welcomed and encouraged. Thank you for reading. Please enjoy! **

_**Update March 3, 2012: Grammar corrections and overall clean-up.**_

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Covert Affairs or the Random Plot Generator.

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><p><strong>The Laws of Fanfiction<strong>

Sitting at her computer and staring at the screen before her, kittycat69 found herself at quite a loss. You see, she was supposed to work on one of her many overdue oneshots, or perhaps tackle a project with one of her awesome betas. Maybe even work on those mutli-chapter AU stories she had foolishly decided to write. However, not one of these tasks was taking place. What _was_ taking place was one forlorn author, slumped low in her chair, despondent gaze on the blank word document before her.

"I can't believe this," the authoress grumbled to herself. She tapped idly at her laptop keys with one hand, the other tucked under her chin, "Half a dozen stories in the works, and not a single idea for any one of them. It's not right!" she whined, "Just not right at all!" Suddenly, struck with a righteous fervor, kittcat69 leapt to her feet, fist thrust into the air. Her abandoned chair wobbled aside. "I'm an author!" she shouted to the ceiling. "I shouldn't have trouble with ideas, they should come to me – beg that I write them!"

Kittycat69 stood a moment longer and held her pose. But then she sighed and slumped back down into her chair.

"I need some help," she grumbled. With another sigh, she clicked open the internet and made her way towards the 'favorites' button. Maybe a visit to her favorite Fanfiction website would enlighten her with a few ideas. When she reached her favorites, however, her cursor found its way to another faved link.

"The Plot Twist Generator?" Kittycat69 read curiously, before her memory kicked in and reminded her of the funny little site her authoress friend, Yuki's Adorable Girlfriend, had shown her a few months previous. With a sudden burst of hope, kittycat69 gave this link a click instead.

A simple webpage popped up, on which was a single button. It read _'Generate'_. Kittycat69 grinned brightly at her luck. She returned to her blank word document. Her fingers flew across the laptop keys as she put together a quick setting—nothing flashy, just a random forest near Langley, Virginia—along with a couple characters. Always a fan of some good witty banter between friends, kittycat69 plopped Annie and Auggie into her thrown together scene.

Once that was settled, kittycat69 pulled the plot generator back up and—with a grin just about to split her face in two—clicked the 'generate' button.

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><p>Standing in the middle of a clearing, in what was undoubtedly the forest just outside of Langley, Auggie couldn't help but get the strangest feeling he had been doing something productive—or at least not forest related—only seconds ago.<p>

Which left the confused blind man wondering, how on earth had he gotten to the forest? It was clearly a forest, Auggie realized, as he listened to the calming sounds of the wildlife surrounding him. But why was he even in this forest to begin with? Maybe it was some terrorist attack, he thought, but since when could terrorists teleport people? Highly improbable.

"Hey, Auggie—"

The blind man jumped up in surprise and whirled around. His fists were clenched for an attack, before Jo Malone engulfed his senses, and he lowered his hands with a shy smile.

"Uh, hi," Annie responded as she raised a delicate eyebrow at Auggie, "I was going to ask you if you knew how we got here, but uh…"

"Oh, sorry Annie," Auggie chuckled as he tried to fight back a light pink blush, "You've gotta stop creeping up on me like that."

"Sorry. But I'm a spy. Sneaking around is pretty much written in the job description."

"Good point, Ninja Girl," Auggie chuckled, "So, I don't know how we got here."

"Yeah, me neither," Annie was going to say more, when a sound like that of a balloon being popped came from a few feet away, at the edge of the trees.

"Umm…what was that?" Auggie's head whirled back and forth as he searched for the source of the sound. Annie shrugged at her friend and then turned and slowly crept towards the trees. Her steps were careful as she searched for the source of the sudden sound.

What she found surprised her.

Sitting against one of the tree trunks was an unfamiliar teenage girl. Her honey blonde hair was pulled up into a large messy bun atop her head. She was writing frantically in a dark purple spiral notebook.

"Hello?" Annie said cautiously. The girl's head shot so quickly that Annie was surprised it didn't give her whiplash. A wide, toothy grin split her face when she spotted the blonde CIA agent.

"Hey there!" the girl chirped. Her pen continued to fly across the paper even though she no longer watched it, "I'm Cat. But just call me Kitty instead," she said in greeting, "So, you ready for an awesome fanfic?"

"A…what?" Annie asked as her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. She was quickly growing suspicious of this teenager.

"A fanfic," the teen repeated as her frantic pen finally came to a stop. She then reached around to produce from seemingly nowhere a large red button, emblazoned with a large black letter **G**. All of Annie's operative senses went on high alert and she dropped into a fighting stance.

"What is that thing?"

"….A button," the teenage girl responded as if it were obvious—and really, it was—before she looked down at the button curiously as she tried to decipher what about it made her companion so tense.

"A button?" Annie repeated flatly. A feeling of immanent doom all but poured from the innocuous-looking button. And everyone knows how utterly infallible Annie's "immanent doom" senses are. Kitty nodded. She set the button down beside her and returned to her frazzled writing.

"So…" Annie leaned forward to try and get a look at the girl's paper, "What is it for?"

"What is what for?" Kitty's head snapped back up as she hugged the notebook protectively to her chest.

Annie raised an eyebrow, but let the action slide and instead turned to look at the button. After a moment, Kitty followed Annie's gaze until she too stared at the button.

For a few seconds the pair simply stared.

Oh!" Question? Button? The two suddenly clicked together in her brain. "That thing! The button! It makes plots."

"Plots?"

Kitty nodded, "That's right, plots. Like for stories?"

"Stories?"

"That's what I said. Want to see how it works!"

"Uh…"

That seemed enough of an answer for Kitty, who quickly grabbed up the button and punched it violently.

_**What You Need Now is a Cryptic Prophecy**_

"What was that?" Annie asked. She spun around with her fists raised. Her eyes darted every which-way as she looked for the source of the noise.

"What was what?" Kitty replied with a simply shrug. She looked up at Annie with wide, innocent green eyes.

"That, that thing that happened when you pushed the button," Annie said, "There was a flash of white light! And a deep voice said something, didn't you hear it? It sounded a lot like Morgan Freeman, now that I think about it."

"…Oh! That! That was a scene change, of course."

"What are you talking about?" Annie looked around, "Nothing's changed."

"Yes it did," Kitty signed, seemingly annoyed with her blonde companion. She started to scribble something down in her notebook.

"No, it didn't," Annie gestured to the space around herself as if this further proved her point.

"Did," Kitty growled.

"Didn't."

"Annie!"

Spinning around, Annie looked away from the strange teenage girl to instead peer through the trees. She tried to spot where she had left Auggie, the source of her suddenly shouted name. She hesitated for a moment when she didn't immediately spot the blind man, and then started to run back towards the clearing. She shouted another "didn't!" over her shoulder to the girl as she ran. She only had to round a few trees before she was back in the clearing, the sight she found not quite the one she had left.

Auggie still stood in the clearing; however, he was now joined by someone else, an elderly man who looked ancient enough to be Arthur's great grandfather. The man was dressed in a shockingly vibrant purple robe and using a walking cane carved to look very much like a pencil.

"Take it! Take the paper! Take it!" the man was demanding. His bony hand not clutching his cane held out to Auggie, who was attempting to ignore his new companion, to no avail.

"I said I don't want it!" Auggie shouted back, hands held up defensively. The man lurched forward, arm still outstretched.

"You must!" the man cried. He waved his closed fist at the blind agent, "You are in danger! Graaaaave daaaaanger!" the old man added. He drew the words out in an obvious attempt to sound more frightening and ominous. Annie felt that the effect was lost on Auggie.

"I'm sure I can handle it," Auggie turned to look at a place somewhere off Annie's left earlobe and flashed her a 'help me now' look. The old man noticed the look and turned to spot Annie as well.

"You!" the old man shouted. He turned and shuffled his way over to Annie, "You must take this! Your friend here will not heed my warning, but you! You look like a sensible young woman!" The old man thrust his hand into Annie's face and revealed the folded paper clutched in his fingers, "You must take it! You must be warned!"

"Uh," Annie took the crumpled piece of paper from the elderly man. As soon as she did, the old man turned around and abruptly shuffled off, muttering to himself in what sounded to Annie like another language (one that she clearly didn't know) as he vanished into the trees.

"What was that all about?" Auggie asked as his sightless eyes turned toward the spot where the man had vanished.

"I…don't know, actually," Annie responded. She looked from Auggie to the paper she now held in her hands.

"So…what does the paper say?"

Annie jumped and spun around. Kitty stood beside her, notebook held up and pen at the ready. She watched the agent with wide, curious eyes.

Annie scowled at her.

Kitty blinked.

Annie got the vague impression that her annoyance was being wasted. She sighed and unfolded the paper.

"It says…uh," Annie trailed off and looked at Kitty unsurely. The girl grinned at the blonde agent and motioned for her to continue, "It says _'There will be llamas'._ I don't know wha-"

"Brilliant!" Kitty cried before she started to scribble wildly in her notebook.

"Annie," Auggie's eyebrows knitted together in confusion, "Who is the girl?"

Annie huffed, "This is _Kitty_," she growled the name with a tone that clearly implied that she thought it was a fake name, "She's a teenage girl. I found her in the forest. She keeps writing in her notebook. I think she's insane. Or maybe some weird terrorist attack. I'm not exactly sure which at the moment."

"Okay then," Auggie raised an eyebrow as he heard Kitty's writing pick up its pace, "So, what is she doing exactly?"

"I don't know," Annie answered with a helpless shrug, "Taking notes perhaps?"

"So, that's the terrorists' new plan?" Auggie chuckled, "Send a crazy teenage girl to take notes on us?"

"I guess," Annie shrugged again. The pair of agents then lapsed into silence, distracted as they watched Kitty continue to write. It was a good minute before her pen slowed as she finally caught on to the fact that the pair had stopped talking.

"What?" she asked. She looked between them. An expectant look that Annie couldn't quite understand was plastered across her face, "That's it?"

"…huh?" Auggie asked and turned towards Annie. The blonde woman shrugged once more and, for Auggie's sake, said, "Don't have a clue."

"Are we supposed to be doing something else?" Annie asked in confusion.

"Well, yeah," Kitty rolled her olive green eyes, "What kind of fanfic has the two main characters just standing around staring? That's not exciting!"

"What's a fanfic?" Auggie asked.

"Psh," was Kitty's answer.

Auggie turned towards Annie with a 'what on earth?' expression, which Annie answered by saying, "You're guess is a good as mine, Aug."

Meanwhile, Kitty pulled a familiar button from her pocket.

"Not that again," Annie exclaimed.

"Not what?" Auggie asked. He was now hopelessly confused. How could he have missed so much when Annie had only been behind the trees a minute or two?

Kitty ignored them both and gave the button a quick click.

_**At This Juncture Another Main Character Arrives, Disguised**_

"What just happened?" Auggie shouted in confusion. His sightless eyes darted around the clearing as he tried to find the source of the deep voice that had just spoken from seemingly nowhere.

"Don't question it, Aug," Annie told her friend. She walked over and patted him on the shoulder, "Trust me; you'll just end up more confused."

"I doubt I could get any more confused than I am right now," Auggie mumbled.

At that exact moment, a loud crash echoed from the woods to the group's left. It sounded as if someone had tumbled from one of the many trees lining the clearing and had landed with loud crash—and quite the string of colorful swear words.

"Hey!" Kitty screamed loudly in the general direction of the noise, "This is a K fic! No swearing!"

"What is going on?" a deep, recognizable voice shouted back from the trees. A few moments later, a person followed the sound into the clearing. He looked very much as if he had been thrown from a tree. To the trio's surprise, the person was wearing a large, glittery red and gold butterfly mask.

"Because we need more people we don't know stumbling in here," Annie muttered sarcastically, while Auggie took a step towards the new person. He listened to their voice intently.

"What the-?" the person muttered as they reached up and pulled the mask off. He then scowled at it for a moment before tossing it into the bushes to his left.

"Wait a second…Jai Wilcox" Auggie asked, "Is that you?"

At being addressed, the man immediately stood taller and turned to scowl regally at Annie and Auggie.

"What's going on?"

"No idea," Annie shrugged. She had been doing that a lot lately.

"Yeah," Auggie sighed, "It's really confusing."

Jai frowned, "You're both as confused as I am?"

Auggie and Annie nodded in unison.

"Ah."

"Mhm," Auggie hummed.

"Yep," Annie added.

"Lame," Kitty huffed. She scowled at the three CIA Agents.

"What?" Jai asked.

Kitty sighed dramatically.

"Okay guys, you've _really_ got to stop saying 'what' all the time. It's making for some _very_ repetitive dialogue."

"What are you talking about?' Auggie groaned, exasperated. Kitty sighed again, this one loud and very over-dramatic.

"I see that this plot has run its course," Kitty once more pulled out her red button.

"What's that?" Jai pointed to the large button in surprise.

"You don't want to know," Annie rolled her eyes, her shoulders slumped with defeat.

Auggie reached up and put an arm around Annie's shoulders, "Hey, maybe someone cool will show up this time!"

Jai scowled at Auggie and rolled his eyes as Kitty gave the button another click.

_**What You Need Now is a Blizzard**_

The explosion of snow that suddenly filled the clearing was in no way what the agents were expecting. They were therefore not braced with all limbs around the trunk of a tree like Kitty; which resulted in the agents being blasted about by the snow like those little plastic flakes in a shaken snow globe.

Which wasn't nearly as fun as it sounded.

Suddenly finding herself buried under a snow drift, Annie was understandably not amused. She thrashed her arms and legs about crazily as she struggled to the surface of the snow. Once in the air, she continued to flail at the snow until she realized she was free of the cold, wet stuff and was simply flopping about like a fish out of water.

And standing over her, watching with a look of undisguised confusion, was none other than Jai Wilcox.

"Annie!" Auggie's muffled voice called. This call distracted the blonde from her dark-haired coworker.

"Auggie?" Annie called. She looked around frantically for her friend, "Where are you?"

"Over here!" Auggie yelled as loudly as he could. Annie continued to look around in confusion.

"Where's 'over here'?" she shouted.

"_Here!_" Auggie shouted back. Annie continued to look around. Her search became rather frantic.

"I don't see you!"

Behind her, Kitty's palm made contact with her forehead.

"Over there, Annie! Jeeze!" she shouted and pointed off to the left. Annie spun around to look.

A few feet away, in the center of the snow filled clearing; a pair of familiar legs stuck up from the snow.

"Auggie!" Annie ran over to help her blind friend.

"Annie?" Auggie called out. His legs kicked slightly.

"I'm here. I'm going to try and pull you out. So don't kick me."

"Okay," Auggie's legs went still. Annie bent down and wrapped her arms around Auggie's knees, and then began to pull upwards, with much grunting and heaving to be had.

"Disgusting," Jai muttered. He turned and walked away towards the tree line. Maybe if he bashed his head against one of the trees hard enough, it would wake him up from this horrible nightmare. Or just kill him. Honestly, either option was preferable to being stuck with these two coworkers any longer.

"Hey!" a voice shouted. It caused Jai to stop and look around for the source of the noise. The strange girl from earlier leapt out from seemingly nowhere. She held her hand up like a cop stopping traffic. Her expression was stern.

Jai raised a curious eyebrow at her.

"Move, little girl," he commanded with a low growl.

"No. You are not going anywhere until I finish this fanfic."

"Move…please?" Jai tried with a fake smile. Kitty rolled her eyes and pointed to where Annie and Auggie were now sitting in the snow, the latter covered in a thick layer of the white fluff.

"Go," she told him. Jai's eyes narrowed.

"No."

"Why!" Kitty suddenly screamed at him. The dark-skinned CIA Agent jumped in surprise.

"You're _ruining_ my story, do you realize this? There's a reason no one puts you in their fics, Jai Wilcox!" the teenage girl continued to shout at the top of her lungs. She thrust her purple notebook into his face and held it an inch away from his nose, "I'm supposed to have this stupid oneshot finished by _tonight_, and I was doing _so _well until you showed up, and now I can't get _anything _done because _someone _thinks he needs to go and do his own thing and steal the spotlight and I—"

"Fine!" Jai shouted. He threw his hands up in the air, "Fine. If I go stand by them, will you shut up?"

"I might," Kitty replied harshly. Jai sighed but realized it was going to have to be enough for now. So, cursing and muttering under his breath the entire way, Jai went and stood next to Auggie and Annie.

"Watch your language!" Kitty called after him, "K rating!"

"I will crush you," Jai hissed.

"Okay," Kitty chirped happily once everyone was together. She then promptly sat down on a nearby snow-covered stump, notebook out and pen at the ready, and watched the agents intently.

They stared back, unsure of what they should do next. They felt uncomfortably like a zoo exhibit.

"Okay…what?" Auggie asked. He brushed away some of the snow that still coated him from the waist up.

"…Do something," Kitty replied.

"Like what?"

Kitty shrugged, "I don't know. Something that will get me a lot of readers. I know!" she shouted suddenly, which made the group of CIA agents jump up in alarm, "Jai!" The agent scowled at her, "Declare your love for Auggie!"

"_What_!" Jai shouted as Auggie cried out "_Why!_?"

"Because it's _scandalous_," Kitty looked about shiftily, "You see Jai; you fall _madly_ in love with Auggie! But!" she added and raised her pen to prove her point, "Auggie's currently with Annie, who loves him with her life, body, and soul. See how great that all worked out?"

"Never in hell. I'm not into men, and even if I were, it sure wouldn't be _him_!"

Jai pulled a disgusted face at the proposed plan.

"Fine, then. You know what this story needs?" she asked the group, her eyes still alight with her fiery excitement.

"Sanity?" Auggie guessed.

"A plot twist!"

"Wh-?" Annie started to ask, until realization struck like a slap in the face. But before she could act, Kitty had already pulled the humongous button from her hoodie pocket.

The trio sighed dramatically as Kitty once again violently smacked the button, followed by another flash of bright, white light.

_**Only Penguins Can Save This Story**_

"You've _got_ to be kidding me," Jai groaned. He stared at the four dozen penguins now milling about in the snowy clearing.

"I love penguins!" Annie exclaimed with a childish grin. She launched herself at the nearest bird.

"Can I leave now?" Jai asked hopelessly.

"Of course not!" Kitty replied, notebook still at the ready, "I still need a story, remember?."

"What if we don't want to help you with your story?" Annie asked; a fluffy baby penguin tucked in her arms like an infant. Kitty's expression went blank for a moment.

"…The sooner you help me with my story, the sooner I go away."

Annie dropped her adorable penguin and snapped into a military-like stance, salute and all, "What do we do first?"

Kitty grinned at the enthusiasm, "Now that's more like it! Okay, so I was thinking, since you guys don't like my romance idea," the trio of agents grimaced, "…then I would just have to go with a different genre. How does fantasy sound?"

"That works," Auggie shrugged while Annie and Jai nodded.

"Awesome," Kitty quickly jotted the genre down in her notebook, "Okay, so I guess we'll need this then."

The red button was out and pressed before anyone could even think of objecting.

_**Clearly, it is Time for Easter Eggs**_

Suddenly, they were back in the grassy clearing. All of the snow and all of the penguins were gone. And in their place were eggs.

Lots and lots and _lots _of brightly colored Easter eggs.

"What is going on?" Jai exclaimed as his pants pockets suddenly bulged.

"Are these…hard-boiled eggs?" Auggie asked. He fished two light purple eggs from his hair and started to peel one. They'd been here so long he felt hungry. "Care for one?" He held the other violet colored egg out in Annie's direction.

Annie pulled a sparkly pink egg from behind her left ear. "Got my own, thanks," she said.

"I'm not feeling the fantasy genre anymore," Kitty huffed, "How about action instead?"

"How did you get action from _this_?" Jai demanded. He dumped out his pockets. The bright yellow and blue eggs tumbled to the ground and then rolled off into the grass.

"Maybe they're bombs," Auggie suggested as he pulled yet another green egg from his hair.

"I like it!" Kitty jotted it down. They two agents with the ability of sight exchanged looks while Auggie's sightless eyes looked deeply confused.

"You can't be serious," Jai scowled as his pockets refilled themselves with colorful Easter eggs.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Kitty asked. She herself had about a dozen bright purple eggs poking out of her hair and pockets.

"Because they're eggs?" Annie tried.

Jai took a step away from Annie as he emptied out his second load of eggs. Two orange eggs appeared in the grass where his feet had been, "Okay, this is getting weird."

"Yeah, a little bit," Kitty said as her pen turned into a rainbow colored egg, "Well, let's see what we've got so far. The eggs are bombs. And then Jai reveals his love for Auggie!"

"No!" three voices chorused. Kitty pouted.

"Fine. Well, what do you think of the rest of it?"

"I don't like the eggs," Jai offered.

"They need salt," Auggie put in, his mouth full.

"Eggs are just too …colorful," Jai continued, "Not enough action at all."

"You are so hard to please," Kitty huffed. She attempted to scratch something out in her notebook before remembering that she had an egg instead of a pen, "Hmm. This is getting freaky."

"Umm, Kitty," Auggie shook his head to free another three eggs from his messy brown hair, "Can we at least get rid of these eggs?"

"Please," Jai added dryly as his pockets again refilled themselves.

"They can't be that much of a problem," Kitty looked between the three agents.

"They are," Annie said as beside her Auggie suddenly yelped and then quickly shoved his hand down his pants to fish out yet another egg. Annie's eyes went wide. Jai laughed.

"Yeah, okay," Kitty shrugged, "We'll try something different for our action scene."

The agents weren't sure if they were happy or frightened to see the large red button clicked.

_**Only a Car Chase Can Save This Story**_

Sirens blared loudly. Blue and red lights flashed brightly in Annie's peripherals. She could see buildings rush past her on either side. The road vanished beneath silver metal in front of her. She was in the front seat of the car, but wasn't the one driving the speeding vehicle.

"Uh oh."

Auggie could feel the material of a steering wheel in his clenched fingers. He heaved a mental sigh. This silly girl was going to get them all killed before the day was out.

"Holy s—" Auggie shouted out loud as his tired brain caught up and realized that he was _driving the car!_

"Hey," Kitty interrupted, "No swearing!"

"You put the _blind guy_ in the drivers' seat!" Jai bellowed angrily as he took in his surroundings. He was sitting in the back seat of a car he didn't recognize. They were speeding though the city of Washington, DC. He didn't have to look at the speedometer to know that Auggie was easily going three times the legal speed limit. Maybe four, actually.

And, behind them in hot pursuit, was a pack of police cars so large they all didn't show up in the rearview mirror.

"Well, you _wanted_ action, Jai," Kitty rolled her green eyes, "This is excellent action."

"We're going to die!" Jai shouted back, "This is _too_ much action!"

"Wow, you are way too hard to please, Jai," Kitty sighed dramatically. She shook her head back and forth in disappointment, "No wonder you are second-best to a blind guy. Sheesh."

"Hey, wait a second—"

"Um, I hate to interrupt your nice conversation," Auggie shouted from the drivers' seat, "But we have a problem! _I can't see where I'm going_!"

"Go Auggie, go!" Kitty cheered from next the back seat.

"Are you nuts? _I'm blind!" _

"Don't question the plot!"

"Even when it's going to get us all killed?"

"Auggie, watch out!" Annie screeched. She pointed out the windshield.

"I can't see, Annie!"

Annie's cries pulled Jai's attention back to the road, which he realized with a shock was quickly turning into a dead end. Nothing but an open field beyond.

"Brakes, Auggie!" Annie screamed as loudly as possible from the passenger seat.

Auggie's response was to slam on the car's brakes.

Which, to his horror, had no affect on the vehicle's momentum at all.

"The brakes don't work!" he screamed back.

"Then turn around!"

"_I can't see,_ Annie! And aren't there's a bunch of cars behind me? We'd plow right into them!"

"Yay conflict!" Kitty said from the back seat next to Jai.

Before Auggie could figure out what to do, the car reached the end of the road. It easily jumped the curb and hurled out over the open field.

"This is crazy!" Jai yelled as the car flew across the rough landscape of the clearing.

"This is awesome!" Kitty shouted back, the landscape caused the car to violently bounce up and down as they continued to speed along the clearing.

Behind them, the two dozen cop cars spilled out onto the field, still following them.

"Make it stop!" Annie covered her eyes with her hands.

"Never satisfied, are you?" Kitty sighed. However, her words were followed, for once thankfully, by a recognizable flash of bright white light.

_**At This Juncture, a Secondary Character Serves Lunch**_

Annie blinked. She glanced around in surprise at the sudden change of scenery. She now sat at a picnic table, in what looked very much like some sort of city park. Auggie sat next to her. He looked as confused as Annie felt. Jai and Kitty sat across the table; the dark-haired man looked like he had simply given up being surprised at this point, while Kitty was, predictably, writing.

"I'll probably regret asking this," Auggie started, "But I have to know—how do you keep transporting us?"

Kitty looked up from her notebook, her pen still moving.

With the hand that wasn't clutching the frantically-moving pen, Kitty pointed to herself, "Author."

Auggie's eyebrows knitted together, "Huh?"

"I'm the author," Kitty giggled, "Duh."

"That still doesn't explain how you are doing this though."

"You know how I keep doing it," she told them, "With this.

She pulled the button from her pocket and set it on the table. The agents all flinched away from it reflexively.

"Yeah, We know that you're doing it with that…thing," Annie said slowly, eyes warily turned toward the red button, "But, I mean, all this stuff your…button is doing…isn't doing all of this breaking the laws of, you know, physics?"

Kitty's response was a dramatic eye roll and a long, hard sigh.

"This is a fanfiction," she replied after a moment, "The laws of physics simply no longer apply."

"But that doesn't make any sense," Annie started, "How does a—"

"Ooh!" Kitty exclaimed. She cut Annie off as she looked at something to her left, "Lunch!"

"What?" Jai turned to look as well. He did a double take at what he saw.

Standing a few feet away, dressed in a brightly colored flowery apron and supporting a tray that held four steaming bowls, was none other than Stu. The poor boy looked understandably bewildered at the current situation.

"Hey, Stu," Annie waved at the boy, "What's up?"

"I'm…not really sure," Stu responded slowly. He glanced at the tray in his hand. He didn't exactly know how the tray got in his hands in the first place.

"Hey!" Kitty shouted to get the boy's attention, "Lunch!"

"Uh…what?" Stu asked. He stared at the blonde girl with complete confusion. She pointed expectantly to the picnic table in front of her.

"Bring me my lunch," she ordered him. Stu stared at the teen in confusion again.

"I think she wants you to bring that tray over here," Jai explained, "So, if you wouldn't mind doing so? Preferably before she tries to get you over here herself with…," he paused, eyeing the button still on the table, "…_That_."

"Umm, Okay," Stu made his way over to the table and set the tray down. He lifted a lid and revealed its contents—four bowls of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, each with the handle of a fork protruding from it.

"My favorite!" Kitty cried happily. She pounced on the one of the bowls. She then proceeded to shovel the noodles down her throat, being careful not to spill any on her notebook, in which she continued to write even as she ate.

"She never stops," Jai watched the girl with a mix of disgust and amazement. He glanced over at Annie, "I don't really like Mac and Cheese, though."

Annie, Auggie, and Stu all turned to look at the dark-haired man, who shrugged sheepishly. Kitty stopped writing and turned to glare at Jai.

Auggie's mouth was open slightly in shock, "_What_?"

"You don't like Mac and Cheese?" Annie sounded disappointed in her coworker.

Jai shrugged, "Not really. Nope."

Kitty sighed through a bulging mouthful of Mac and Cheese. Swallowed and rolled her green eyes once again, "I knew it was a terrible idea to put you in this fic," She then shoved another forkful of noodles into her mouth and continued to write frantically into her notebook.

Auggie shrugged and was just about to pick up his fork when he was interrupted by…

"Done!" Kitty cried. She set her empty bowl aside and gathered up her things. She looked at the group expectantly, "Shall we get back to work?" she asked. She tilted her head to the side in confusion.

"You mean 'Should we get back to torturing innocent humans?" Jai asked. Kitty quickly scribbled Jai's question down.

"I'll take that as a yes," she responded.

And then she hit her button so fast, no one had time to so much as blink.

_**Clearly, It's Time for an Infestation of Goats**_

"Will someone tell me what's going on?" Stu demanded once the bright light had disappeared.

"Goats!" Kitty chirped.

Stu scowled at her, "Someone other than you," he snapped.

"Actually, Stu," Annie sighed. She glanced around, "She's right."

And she was. For, now surrounding the picnic area the group was in, there were about two dozen goats.

"Is this for real?" Stu asked, as one of the goats wandered over to him and sniffed experimentally at his shirt.

"Sadly," Auggie responded. He shooed away a goat of his own.

"But…how?" Stu asked curiously. Jai simply shrugged and watched as the goat at Stu's side began to chew on the hem of the boy's apron.

"She claims she's doing it with that thing," Annie explained as she pointed to the innocuous-looking button still sitting on the picnic table. Stu blinked and eyed the large button.

"So, her pressing that button made all of this happen? Then, pressing the button again should make it all go away, right?"

Annie started to nod, and then paused as she realized exactly what she was agreeing to.

"No, it won't!" she shouted, but it was too late. Stu had already reached for the button, a wicked grin on his face. Annie simply let her head fall into her hands as the white light flashed yet again.

_**The Scene Changes, and a Sinister Unknown Person Attacks One of Your Protagonist's Sidekicks**_

Standing suddenly back in the clearing where this whole adventure had begun, Annie thought, for one bliss filled moment, that Stu had been right, and that pressing the button again had indeed fixed everything. Stu was nowhere to be found. Maybe he did fix everything.

And then she heard a Native American tribal call, and knew immediately that she was wrong.

The shouting was coming from the woods, off to Annie's right. Annie directed her gaze to the tree line. She watched with brows raised as the tribal screams materialized into a Native American man, dressed surprisingly in a sharp suit. He shouted tribal calls at the top of his lungs as he barreled out of the trees and threw himself at the nearest person—who just so happened to be Jai Wilcox.

"Make it stop, make it stop!" Jai screamed as the well-dressed Native American man whipped out a briefcase and proceeded to hit the CIA agent with it.

"But it's such a great plot twist!" Kitty cried back, "No one would see it coming!"

"Give me that," Auggie snapped. He snatched the button from Kitty's hand and pressed it. He prayed silently that helping his coworker was going to be worth whatever happened next.

_**What You Need Now is Gratuitous Sex**_

Not worth it, Auggie decided, as his clothes vanished, the moment accompanied by an excited whoop from Kitty. Not worth it in the slightest. With a sigh, he slipped behind one of the still present goats, the farm animals having stuck with them through the last scene change. Across the clearing, Annie glared absolute daggers at Kitty as she folded her arms across her exposed breasts and promptly took shelter behind another of the animals.

And a few feet away, still sprawled across the ground from his assault; Jai suddenly realized his state of dress—or lack thereof. He leapt up and hid behind a nearby tree.

Fully clothed, Kitty stood in the middle of the clearing. She took in all of this with a bright grin, and then began to write once more.

"And the romance plot prevails!" she shouted as she finished writing, "I knew it was genius."

"You've got to be kidding," Annie said. Kitty flashed the agent a sly grin.

"Well, it looks like I've got all I need from you three," she said happily. She flipped her notebook shut and tucked her pen behind her ear, "Thank you guys, it's been an honor working with you all. Well, maybe except for Jai."

"Hey!"

And with that, she began to disappear. She faded away until there was nothing left but her red plot button, which fell to the grass with a soft _thump_.

For a long moment, silence reigned in the clearing. And then—

"Is that it?" Auggie asked. Annie and Jai looked around cautiously, as if they expected Kitty to suddenly reappear at any moment.

"I…I think so," Jai said slowly.

"Hey," Annie exclaimed suddenly, drawing the boys' attention. They quickly looked away; however, as they were reminded of the blonde woman's state of undress, "She forgot something."

The two boys looked back again quickly, just in time to see Annie pick up the red button from the floor.

"No, Annie!" Jai shouted, "Don't touch it!"

But it was too late. Annie's grip was just a little too firm, and to the horror of all three present, a blinding flash of white light filled the clearing.

_**Clearly, it is Time for Llamas**_

Annie couldn't honestly say he was all that surprised to find the clearing suddenly packed solid with llamas (as well as the previous encountered of goats). Again, there was a moment of silence in the clearing.

"Oh," Annie suddenly said, "So _this_ is what that crazy old guy was talking about!"

Auggie sighed loudly as he leaned against a llama. A realization came to him. He had been wrong all these years. Terrorists were not the ultimate evil.

_Authors_ were.


End file.
